i update this journal selfishly, never stopping to do anything more than write down some errant thoughts.

i used to believe that my greatest fear was failure.

i then thought that it was perhaps inadequacy. more about the reason for failure than failure itself.

i have realized though, that failure i can deal with. i have failed in the past, and it the possibility that i can doesn't scare me.

what scares me most, i have come to realize, is not being liked. i fear being lied to, i fear that my friends are pretending. i fear that i'm not part of the group.

for all my tendencies to be by myself, for all my tendencies to avoid people, the thing i fear most is that i don't have people. that people only pretend to like me.